Just As I Am

I love singing the old hymns in church. It takes me to my childhood when I would stand next to my grandma and we would share the Hymnal as we sang on Sunday mornings. When we sing those hymns, some times I can hear her voice still singing along. She didn't have perfect pitch, but I would some times stop just to hear her sing, because it was this sweet, soft, high voice.

This past Sunday took me back to those days as we closed with "Just As I Am". That song was used frequently as the invitation back home. It always felt like the perfect way to end a powerful sermon. As we were singing on Sunday, a line jumped out at me:

“And I’m welcomed with open arms, praise God, just as I am"

It stopped me in my tracks. But as we sang it a few more times, it became the most beautiful thing I could sing. It made me think about my own faults, my failures, my imperfections...and then we sang that line again "And I'm welcomed with open arms, praise God, just as I am".

As I read those words "open arms", I see Jesus on the cross...His love stretched out and held up with nails. The beauty of that image is that we are made perfect in spite of our imperfections, and He awaits us with open arms, ready to love and be loved.

Makin' It Count

It's been nagging at me for the past couple of months. You know, like one of those little things that just won't leave you alone. It kind of looks like the green dude on the Mucinex commercials...and just as annoying. The big 3-0...peaking behind your shoulder, whispering in your ear. Now granted, I do have a little over a year before I hit that milestone, so it's not as close behind my back as what it seems. But over the last couple of months, my brain as automatically started thinking "you're hitting 30"...and when the brain comprehends that, then you have all of these thoughts that start coming up, and you really start evaluating your future. What does it look like? Am I doing things now to make for a good future? I was telling someone that something about 30 is really like becoming adult. Not that 26 or 28 or 29 isn't...but 30. It makes you think about life and what you want out of life.

Today, I had an "ah-ha" moment, as I became inspired by one of my friends. You see, at the beginning of this year, he created this list....10 Things to Do Before I'm 30. (And come to think of it, he was about the same time away from 30 when he created that list as I am to mine.) So as I had this "ah-ha"moment this afternoon, I started to think, "why not just embrace this year instead of getting caught up in worrying about life?" So thanks to my friend, Anthony, I am going to think about my top 10 list. I have maybe 3 things right now that I will probably put on the list, but beyond that, I have no idea!! I do know that it'll involve singing, traveling, personal growth goals, etc.

Any ideas? I'd love to hear!
And once I have the list, I'll be willing to share :)

You Are Beautiful

I am a perfectionist. I am a deep thinker. Both can some times be to the point where I tend to cause myself frustrating anxiety. I think about the “what ifs”, “what could happen”, “what should I do if xyz didn’t happen”. I have always been hard on myself. Growing up on the stage, I had to be perfect. I had to dress a certain way, act a certain way, talk a certain way and some times sing a certain way. I remember when I was 16 years old and decided to grow my bangs out. I had some backlash for changing my hair. I think all of that began to take a toll on how I eventually viewed myself. My teeth weren’t straight enough. I had a little too much hanging in this area and then over in that area. My whole life I have pointed out my flaws. But last night, I had a breakthrough. I actually looked in the mirror and was happy with the girl staring back at me.

This made me think about how sad God must be when we are so unhappy with ourselves. He created each of us in the beauty of His image. That mole or freckle that screams “hello!” …well God sealed it with a kiss. Those times when you think “oh I wish I could have her skin complexion (or whatever it may be)” …God says, you are unique and beautiful in My eyes.

So the next time you start thinking about your “flaws”, remember that God sees it as beautiful.

Say It Now

The other night I was sorting through boxes, kind of like a Spring cleaning...a bit early. I stumbled across a few books that I borrowed and knew what I was going to find inside the front cover...my grandma's handwriting. My heart hurt, and in that moment, I longed for nothing more than another chance to call her on the phone.

Three years ago this August, I was riding in the car after one of my shows and held hands with my grandma as we chatted it up about the show. The next day, we went to lunch after church and she wore this beautiful yellow dress suit. That weekend would be the last time I saw her "healthy" looking and not in the hospital. Two weeks later was the beginning of a 6 week journey I'll never forget. I'll save you the personal details, but it changed my life. I had been blessed enough for 26 years to be surrounded by my close family members, and without notice, I was losing one. For some time after my grandma's death, I beat myself up over what I didn't do. I didn't call her enough, I didn't invite her to my shows enough, I didn't  visit enough. If I could turn back time, I would do it differently.

But something she said the first weekend we thought we lost her rings in my ears - "You being here shows me that you love me".

Just seeing her handwriting in a book the other night brought all of these emotions flooding back, and it made me think... am I telling those who mean the most to me exactly what they mean to me? We shouldn't leave things left unsaid. Take the time each day to tell or show those you care for and love what they mean to you.

Forever Love

Today as I was walking into Target, I was immediately drawn to an elderly couple walking in front of me. The gentleman was a little hunched over and they were slowly walking together. But it wasn't the appearance or the speed that caught my eye, it was their affection towards each other. This couple walked hand in hand up the parking lot and into Target. The man went to get a cart, and they held hands, stretching out as far as they could, until he had to let go to grab the cart. Part of me wanted to tell this couple how much it moved me watching them hold hands. But I just watched from a few paces behind...smiling to myself.

Love and marriage now days are taken so lightly. You have couples in the limelight setting examples for our younger generations that it's the "norm" to just give up without trying. 

Although I am single, have never been married or engaged, I do know that love takes work. I have a couple of wonderful mentors who give me advice on what to expect and how to prepare myself. I read books. I ask questions. I observe. And I keep mental notes. But most importantly, I pray. Yes, I admit it. I have prayed for years every night for whomever it is that steals my heart.

I hope that I'm as lucky to one day be slowly walking into Target with my forever love. And maybe a young individual will be touched and long for that kind of love too.

Reality vs Fairytales

So I'm not quite sure what is interesting to read and what's not, but I guess I titled this blogspot "From the Heart Moments" for a purpose. I think that purpose for me is to just get my thoughts down and hopefully someone might be able to relate to it or get something out of it!

Last night, I started thinking about Reality vs Fairytale after listening to a song by Billy Currington and thinking about my favorite movie from last year "Leap Year". I began wondering if the arts (movies, songs) have created this idea in our minds about life and love. I mean, I can say from a woman's perspective that I'm a sucker for songs like "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars or movies like "PS I Love You". It makes me believe that there is a love story out there waiting for me!

I also love Disney movies. My favorite is "Sleeping Beauty" and I've almost collected all of the originals! I heard a rumor that after the release a couple of months ago of "Tangled" that Disney will no longer be making the fairytale movies because young girls now days don't believe in fairytales and boys only want to watch things like "Wall-E". This actually really troubled me. I guess where I grew up with an imagination that could even play with my mom's paint bottles, I just think that every child should be able to dream..to have a fairytale.

Is there a line between fairytales and reality?

I know that reality isn't what happens in the movies but I do know that I sure hope I get my fairytale some day :)

Life's Rollercoaster

Life is like a rollercoaster. There are so many ups and downs, twists and turns. You can have one moment on such a high and then the next moment can be down low. First of all, I’m not a rollercoaster person. My stomach can’t handle the dips! Of course, I’m pretty sure my stomach doesn’t like life’s dips either. :)

There’s a rollercoaster in Kentucky called Thunder Run that is made only of wood. At one point, it was the largest wooden rollercoaster with banked turns at 70 degrees. I rode it once. Let me tell you, that rollercoaster was so rough! Every time we would hit a rough spot, I questioned the sturdiness of the wooden boards holding us up. And our life can even be this wooden, rough, unsteady mess. We would prefer it not be, but it can happen, and it will.

As I look at my own life rollercoaster, I see all those highs and lows, twists and turns. There are some that would be nice to skip over! But when I look back at those times, I see them differently on the other side. There was a time frame about 10 years ago that held my dip…and dip that kept going and going for way longer than the ride was suppose to. The dip got so low that when I looked up, I couldn’t see the top. There was no track to take my ride back up. So I prayed and prayed, but after some time, I gave up. Yes, I admit it. I thought God had turned His back on me so I settled. I settled for believing that I would never see the upwards climb again and nested.

But the beauty of faith and love and having a very firm relationship with the Lord is looking back on those moments and knowing that I was never alone. I may not be the proudest of that time period in my life…giving up and losing hope…but looking back, I would never change it, because it has made me who I am today. And the person I am today is a child of God who knows she is loved and can hopefully use that journey to share with others.

As my pastor Mike Glenn has said, God may not take us out of the situation, but He does promise He will be there to walk us through…that way we won’t be afraid when it comes back again.