You Are Beautiful

I am a perfectionist. I am a deep thinker. Both can some times be to the point where I tend to cause myself frustrating anxiety. I think about the “what ifs”, “what could happen”, “what should I do if xyz didn’t happen”. I have always been hard on myself. Growing up on the stage, I had to be perfect. I had to dress a certain way, act a certain way, talk a certain way and some times sing a certain way. I remember when I was 16 years old and decided to grow my bangs out. I had some backlash for changing my hair. I think all of that began to take a toll on how I eventually viewed myself. My teeth weren’t straight enough. I had a little too much hanging in this area and then over in that area. My whole life I have pointed out my flaws. But last night, I had a breakthrough. I actually looked in the mirror and was happy with the girl staring back at me.

This made me think about how sad God must be when we are so unhappy with ourselves. He created each of us in the beauty of His image. That mole or freckle that screams “hello!” …well God sealed it with a kiss. Those times when you think “oh I wish I could have her skin complexion (or whatever it may be)” …God says, you are unique and beautiful in My eyes.

So the next time you start thinking about your “flaws”, remember that God sees it as beautiful.

Say It Now

The other night I was sorting through boxes, kind of like a Spring cleaning...a bit early. I stumbled across a few books that I borrowed and knew what I was going to find inside the front cover...my grandma's handwriting. My heart hurt, and in that moment, I longed for nothing more than another chance to call her on the phone.

Three years ago this August, I was riding in the car after one of my shows and held hands with my grandma as we chatted it up about the show. The next day, we went to lunch after church and she wore this beautiful yellow dress suit. That weekend would be the last time I saw her "healthy" looking and not in the hospital. Two weeks later was the beginning of a 6 week journey I'll never forget. I'll save you the personal details, but it changed my life. I had been blessed enough for 26 years to be surrounded by my close family members, and without notice, I was losing one. For some time after my grandma's death, I beat myself up over what I didn't do. I didn't call her enough, I didn't invite her to my shows enough, I didn't  visit enough. If I could turn back time, I would do it differently.

But something she said the first weekend we thought we lost her rings in my ears - "You being here shows me that you love me".

Just seeing her handwriting in a book the other night brought all of these emotions flooding back, and it made me think... am I telling those who mean the most to me exactly what they mean to me? We shouldn't leave things left unsaid. Take the time each day to tell or show those you care for and love what they mean to you.

Forever Love

Today as I was walking into Target, I was immediately drawn to an elderly couple walking in front of me. The gentleman was a little hunched over and they were slowly walking together. But it wasn't the appearance or the speed that caught my eye, it was their affection towards each other. This couple walked hand in hand up the parking lot and into Target. The man went to get a cart, and they held hands, stretching out as far as they could, until he had to let go to grab the cart. Part of me wanted to tell this couple how much it moved me watching them hold hands. But I just watched from a few paces behind...smiling to myself.

Love and marriage now days are taken so lightly. You have couples in the limelight setting examples for our younger generations that it's the "norm" to just give up without trying. 

Although I am single, have never been married or engaged, I do know that love takes work. I have a couple of wonderful mentors who give me advice on what to expect and how to prepare myself. I read books. I ask questions. I observe. And I keep mental notes. But most importantly, I pray. Yes, I admit it. I have prayed for years every night for whomever it is that steals my heart.

I hope that I'm as lucky to one day be slowly walking into Target with my forever love. And maybe a young individual will be touched and long for that kind of love too.