Letting Go

Last month, my job flew me out to Detroit, MI to watch a tour concert that I had worked on this year. The tour was called The Story, and the music is 18 songs that are written in the first person perspective from various characters in the Bible. It was so neat to see something I worked so hard and long on come to life, and I was so blessed to be sitting there watching all of it unfold into "the story".

 

But one of the things that I remember about that day took place hours before show time. During these tours, all artists, staff, and crew members gather for devotion time and also to pray over each seat in the church or arena. On this specific day, Max Lucado led all of us in devotion. It truly was a neat experience for me, as I have been a fan of Max Lucado's writing and to be listening to him talk to about 25 of us was a bit surreal! Giving us a choice of 2 different options, the unanimous vote was for a devotion about anxiety. (I mean, how fitting!)

 

As I sat there and listened to Max talk, I couldn't help but think "wow, this is definitely for me today and during this short trip!" (I'm scared of flying and I kept thinking about my flight home that next morning). But one thing Max said hit me like a ton of bricks...

 

"If God gives you the challenge, He will give you the wisdom, but He won't give you the wisdom until He gives you the challenge."

 

Wow.

 

Ok let's think about that for a second.

 

"If God gives you the challenge, He will give you the wisdom, but He won't give you the wisdom until He gives you the challenge."

 

So you mean to tell me that all of this stuff I worry about (ie flying home the next day) is pointless? Because 99% of the stuff we worry about doesn't happen? Well, Max, you sure know how to bring me back to reality!

 

You see, we spend so much time worrying about what tomorrow, next week, or next month will bring to us that we lose sight of the moment. Like Max said, God knows our best interests and He would never put us into any situation without preparing us, so why worry about something until it actually happens? Because of God's promise, we can rest assured in knowing that when that time comes, we will already have our battle weapons ready to fight successfully.

 

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God" - Phil 4:6

 

"Therefore I tell you, stop being perpetually uneasy about your life" - Matt 6:25

 

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you" - Luke 11:9

One Day Love Will Wear the Crown...

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote to you about a song called "Be Born In Me" that was written in Mary's perspective. As I said then, that song brought to light the beginning of the greatest story ever told.

 

Fast forward centuries to the ending of the greatest story ever told. Although we do not know when that day will be, we do know that it will be a celebration!

 

One day Love will wear the crown; one day Love will set us free
Hands up high and faces down; angels teaching us to sing
He will be King, He will be King

He will be the new sunrise
Steal the darkness from our eyes
When we fail to find the words
Holy, Holy we will cry
He will be the new sunrise
Holy, Holy we will cry
On the great day

 

This song is called "On The Great Day" and is written about the Second Coming, the final chapter and best ending to any story we could ever read. Can you imagine the angels teaching us to sing to our God? Our harmonious sound singing praises at the feet of our King...wow, what a beautiful choir that will be!

 

My favorite Bible verses are from Philippians 2:9-11:

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

 

Close your eyes and see this.  Every knee will bow.

 

Wow. It gives me chills.

 

All creatures, great or small, will one day bow together at the feet of Jesus, and we will sing with the angels a beautiful song to our King.

 

Now that’s a standing ovation worthy ending!

I Am Yours

I am not brave

I’ll never be

The only thing my heart can offer is a vacancy

I’m just a girl

Nothing more

But I am willing, I am Yours

 

Be born in me

Be born in me

Trembling heart, somehow I believe

That You chose me

I’ll hold you in the beginning

You will hold me in the end

Every moment in the middle

Make my heart your Bethlehem

Be born in me

 

These lyrics are from a song called “Be Born In Me” that is told from Mary’s perspective. I can’t even imagine what Mary was feeling and all of the questions that were going through her mind.

 

“Why me? I’m nobody. I am just a young girl. But I’ve been chosen and have this huge responsibility that has been entrusted on me. I can’t do this! Am I capable? Will I make God proud with His decision?”

 

I would’ve been so scared! Yet Mary understood the significance of what was happening and her role in the beginning of the greatest story ever told….the birth of Jesus Christ. Mary gave her son to God, and God gave His Son for us.

 

We have all been blessed by Jesus coming to earth and humbling Himself to be born as a baby and die for our sins. And as we think about that this holiday season, let us prayerfully ask that He make our heart His Bethlehem.

 

Be born in me, Jesus.

Bring on 2012

On Saturday, New Year's Eve, I couldn't help but notice a common theme with facebook statuses: out with the old, in with the new. As I really thought about that, it made me think about how we are so ready to move forward, and I told my sister that it was as if we are wishing away our time. Don't get me wrong, I am ready for 2012 too! But as you get older, it does seem like life goes by way too quickly. When you're young, there are no worries and time feels like it stands still, but as you get older, a year goes by in the blink of an eye. Someone told me when I was younger that once you graduate high school, life races by. Boy isn't that the truth!

But as I reflect on another year that has passed, I start to think about the last 365 days differently. No longer does it feel like a year that I so badly want to close the books on and throw away, but it becomes the wisdom to open another chapter in life. The way I see it is that 2011 gave me the tools, the knowledge and the strength to continue through life and into another year, and I am beyond excited to see how those will be used and what I can do with them. It's like growing and striving for new things. What makes us look forward to another year are the new possibilities, the new opportunities and the anticipation for what tomorrow may bring. Leaving a year and welcoming another is a building block for our goals, our hopes, and our dreams. We are constantly striving, aiming and achieving. We never fully reach our potential because then what fun would it be? We wouldn't have anything to look forward to and quite frankly, it means we stopped dreaming.


So instead of trying to shut the doors on 2011, embrace it and be thankful that it has made you the person you are. Even if 2011 went down as the worst year in history, just think about how much stronger it has made you, and turn it into something positive as it will make you a better person in 2012 and in years to come. Turn to 2012 with the armor that 2011 equipped you with, and look forward to more memories, more dreams and a better, stronger you.

Start Spreading the News, I'm Leaving Today...

It's been a long time since I've had time to sit and actually think about writing a blog. I really need to make more time to allow myself to forget about everything and to sit down, get creative and just write. I'll try to get better at that!

I've finally had a chance to sit down and really wrap my brain around my trip 3 weeks ago to New York City. I will apologize up front if the little daily details get boring, but I want to write it all down so I don't forget, and so I will always remember those little details. After all, this trip was something I had dreamed of for many years and I want each moment to be something I'll never forget!

For years, I have dreamed of visiting New York City during Christmas. I imagined ice skating in Central Park and for the moment when I could see the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center. I had a friend visit NYC a few years ago and text me a picture of that tree, because he had known that I always wanted to see it in person.

So this year, I made a bucket list of the top 10 things I wanted to do before I turned 30. At the top of that list: "Ice skate in Central Park". It was far fetched and I didn't think there was any way it would happen.

In July, my best friend emailed me and said she would be interested in going to NYC with me. Ok...so maybe this could happen! It wasn't until October when we bought tickets to see Mary Poppins on Broadway and booked our hotel that I started to realize that it could all come together! Over the next couple of months, things started to come together for both me and my best friend that proved to us that this trip was suppose to happen. I kept waiting for tickets to the Jimmmy Fallon show to open up and as soon as it did, I called NBC. The lady on the other end of the phone said "Congrats! You have just gotten our last 2 tickets to the December 9 taping." How lucky did we just get!! And thanks to a super gesture from friends of mine, we had our flights booked and all official details were squared away to make dreams come true December 8-11.

Day 1: December 8
Our flight was booked for 6am Thursday, and of course, we probably didn't get even 4 hours of sleep! Thanks to my sister for waking up super early and taking us! The flight was only half full and we were surprised to find ourselves in first class! (Thanks to my wonderful friends for hooking us up!!) This was the first flight ever for my friend and traveling companion, but she did an amazing job! (Had a pretty rough landing in NYC due to some gusty winds but other than that, it was a pretty good flight). During landing, it was amazing to look out and see building on top of building. As soon as we landed, we grabbed a cab and headed straight for our hotel to drop our bags off. Since we were in NYC so early, we thought we would hit the ground running before we had to check in! But not before we got breakfast at this cafe next to our hotel...which would eventually be our eating place for all meals but one and we got to know the employees so well. They smiled every time we walked in and referred to us as "friend". :)

For Thursday, we decided to head to lower Manhattan to do as much that was farther away from our hotel. We bought unlimited 7 day subway passes to help us cover our transportation for the weekend and hopped on our first subway ride. (Side note: Thanks to my friend Anthony, I was able to figure out the subway system pretty quickly. And despite what the movies may show, the subway isn't as bad as what you'd think. A couple of times it was so crammed that we had to wait awhile to get on. There was one time we got on, we were SO crammed in and as the doors were shutting, someone got on and squeezed in. I found myself saying out loud "are you serious??" haha oops, didn't mean for that to slip out, but hey, I got a couple of chuckles from those around me.) The subway stop took us to the World Trade Center area. I had been to the WTC area about 6 months after the attacks, so it was weird to see the progress they have made over the last 10 years. It wasn't just a gigantic hole with a strange smell in the air. The flag I saw back then still waved high on a crane, so that was a special moment. Across the way, we visited St Paul's Chapel to view some of the WTC history and also the history of the Government and George Washington. As we walked another block, we ran into another subway system and as I looked up, I read "Hoboken". My mouth dropped! We had, by chance, run right into the subway that would take us to see the Cake Boss!! You see, one of the employees at our hotel said it would take a $30 bus ride to get to New Jersey, so we thought we wouldn't have the chance to see Carlo's Bakery. But here we stood! So we bought a ticket to catch the subway and took three stops down to Hoboken, NJ. We were pleasantly surprised to find that there was no line outside and our wait inside was just an hour! Although we were still full from our breakfast, we did manage to get a goodie and some souveniers:)  After our visit to Cake Boss, we hopped back on the subway for our three stops back to NY. Once we got off the subway, we found ourselves with a $4 ticket each that wouldn't be compatible with the NY subway system, so we decided to gift them to people who were needing to get on the subway. Our last adventure on the first day was visiting the WTC Memorial. To visit, you had to sign up and receive a visitor's pass to enter. As you entered, they checked your bags and sent you through security detectors, just like in an airport!! It was definitely a bit odd, and the place was on very high alert. But once you got passed that and walked around the fences where they are now building the new WTC, you witnessed one of the most moving sights - two large waterfalls that were built in the same exact spots as the North Tower and the South Tower. Around the waterfalls were the names of those who were in that specific tower and in the plane associated with the tower....they were engraved in the marble and lit up at night with solar power. It was so beautiful and such a touching way to pay tribute to those in the attacks.

The end of the first day brought us back to our hotel around 5:30pm, exhausted. As we checked in, the receptionist told us that she was going to upgrade us...ok, cool. But as we were sent up the elevator, I saw "PH"....hmmm, PH...PENTHOUSE!! YEA! We had been upgraded to the penthouse! How cool?! Exhausted from little sleep the night before and lots of walked, I was out like a baby very very early. Day 1 was amazing. The only thing in that area of the city is there were no restaurants that allowed for non-customers to use their restrooms, which is a very scary situation for a gall-bladderless person! I did have a guy at one cafe who let me in to use the restroom and I replied with my best Southern drawl "bless your heart!" But thankfully, no more issues like that the rest of the weekend :)

Day 2: December 9
Friday we decided to head 2 subways stops down to Times Square. Our first stop was Good Morning America, where we found ourselves on camera after one of the commercial breaks!! I was a bit surprised at how there wasn't as big of a crowd around the building as what the TV makes it appear. But it was very cool. Kris Humphries, Kim Kardashian's ex husband, was one of the guests on the show that morning. I saw on the internet later that John Travolta's wife, Kelly Preston, was on the show as well, but we didn't get to see her. We spent the better part of 4 hours walking up and down Times Square in and out of shops, the Hershey store, the Disney store and a 4 story Forever21 (where we were scolded for taking a picture inside the store!!).

After taking in Times Square, we decided to head back to our hotel to grab lunch at our favorite cafe and take a couple of hours of down time...before heading to Rockefeller Center to secure our Jimmy Fallon tickets!!! When we arrived to the area, we immediately were found looking at Radio City Music Hall, the place where the Today Show is taped and the NBC building. When we were waiting for our tickets at the MSNBC cafe, I looked out the window, and there was the Christmas tree! Wow! It was so big! And there were people below ice skating on a little rink. We were told that the wait there was about (or more than) 2 hours just to ice skate! The people with the Jimmy Fallon show warned us that the musical guest, Aretha Franklin, didn't like air conditioning so the studio would be really warm, so we were prepared with water. But when we walked in, it definitely couldn't prepare us or anyone else with the heat in the studio!! It was scortching! We were seated in the 3rd row in the aisle, and within a few minutes, I had shed my sweater jacket to my short sleeves and was chugging the water! Once the taping started, we were caught on camera several times, as the winner of the Christmas sweater was seated 2 rows behind us! After the Charlize Theron segment, I asked one of the employees if I could step out during commercial break to use the restroom (I had chugged 3/4 of my water by then!). But I was informed if I left that I wouldn't be returning. About to pee in my pants, I agreed. There was another couple that left when I did because the wife was nauseous and really sick from the heat in the studio. Poor thing, her face was really red! Since I told Laura to stay and enjoy the remaining 30 minutes of the show, I decided to walk around outside. I walked a few blocks and then decided to make my way back to the NBC building. I stood for a long time and admired the beauty of the Christmas tree that had just been lit days before we arrived. In the midst of all the people, I felt this beautiful peace, and couldn't help but think that I was standing there staring at my dream. That moment looking at the tree was something I had dreamed of for a very long time. I talked for a while with a couple of cops, who were super nice and helped me pass away some time. They wished me well as they left.

After we finished in Rockefeller Center, we decided to make our way to 34th Street for our final site seeing trip that day...the original Macy's! As we came up from the subway and turned the corner, we found ourselves staring at the Empire State Building! Little did we know that was on the same stop as Macy's....which was a theme throughout the weekend. We always got so lucky with finding things by chance! The next block over, we were admiring the lights and window displays at Macy's. I had always heard about how neat the window displays were but it is way cooler in person than you can ever imagine! As I was admiring one of the display, I heard a young girl behind me "awe" about the display. I turned to look at her and said "this is cool isn't it?" And her eyes got so big as she nodded. I said "it's almost like its...magical". And she smiled so big and nodded again. I patted her on the back and wished her a great night, but as I walked away, I heard that sweet voice say "Have a magical Christmas". It stunned me and I found myself fighting back tears. I will never forget that moment, ever.

We decided to make Friday night our dinner treat and had a really nice meal at a restaurant close to our hotel. Chicken shish kabob for me and lasagna for Laura!

Day 3: December 10
Saturday morning, we decided to make our way a couple of stops down to Central Park for some ice skating. We stopped off at our favorite cafe and brought breakfast with us. It was so neat to say that we were having breakfast in Central Park!! There were a lot of people out walking their dogs, jogging and riding bikes. It wasn't quite what I pictured like in the movies, but I think that's because the leaves had fallen off the trees and it wasn't the springy look that is typically shown in movies. But needless to say, it was still a wonderful, peaceful morning. As we made our way up the hill to the rink, we were disappointed to find that the rinks were closed to the public all day for hockey games. The thought crossed my mind that we had come all that way and I couldn't mark ice skating off of my bucket list!

We were going to take a subway to the middle of Central Park to see the Belvedere Castle, but as we got to the station, both of us felt really sick. It was the strangest feeling either of us had ever experienced. Our legs hurt so bad and couldn't carry us anymore. It was like our minds said to keep going but our bodies said they couldn't do it anymore and the room was moving slow. We decided to go back to our hotel to lay down and try to recoup. After some lunch and a quick nap, both of us got our energy back up. We think it may have been a bit of exhaustion, dehydration and from walking all day and not eating to replenish.

Saturday afternoon found us at Mary Poppins! (Spoiler alert for those who plan to go next year when it starts touring). It was such a neat experience! A couple of neat moments: On the song "Practically Perfect", Mary Poppins arrives at the house and begins to set up shop at the house. She begins taking out items from her bag, including a coat rack, lamp and full length mirror! But the neatest thing was when she took out a folded blanket, handed it to the little girl, and when they unfolded it together, it turned into her bed! I caught myself saying out loud "what in the world?!" That was really cool! (and it made the lady next to me laugh :) During "Step In Time", the chimney sweepers were tap dancing and Bert was walking and tap dancing up the wall, across the ceiling and down the other side of the wall!! (I held my breath when he stopped at the top of the ceiling and sang to the audience). And in the finale, I found myself in tears as Mary Poppins flew through the audience. I highly recommend this to adults and children!! It was truly worth it.

To finish our night and amazing weekend, we took a subway back to Central Park to fulfill dreams. We were lucky that it wasn't really busy and found ourselves on the ice with only about 30-50 other people. The ice was more wet and harder to skate on than other places, but it was so neat to be on that ice, under a full moon at night in NYC. After we finished, Laura told me that there, in Central Park, was the first time she had ever been ice skating. How cool is that!

As we got off the subway, we found ourselves with 2 subway tickets that were good for 4 more days, unlimited. I found a young girl who was going to purchase a ticket and gave her mine. Laura found an older gentleman and gave him her ticket. We told the two individuals that it was good unlimited for 4 days, and watched as their faces turned from confusion, to shock and finally to smiles as we told them we didn't want money but to accept it as a gift. That moment was a very special moment for both Laura and I. The saying is true "it is better to give than receive".

We grabbed one final meal at our favorite cafe from our friends and called it a night.

Day 4: December 11
We were lucky and our cab driver from Thursday offered to pick us up Sunday morning. There was no traffic at 6:30am so we were at the airport within 10 minutes. Not too shabby! Once through security, we checked in with the lady at the gate, and once again, found ourselves in first class!! How we got so lucky throughout the whole weekend was beyond what we could imagine. We had about 12 people on our flight home and had the greatest flight attendant in first class. He was telling us stories about flying and said that he and the girl who served the cabin area would send a tray "surfing" down the aisle during take off when they didn't have a busy flight. I tried to talk him into it, but he said the aisle wasn't straight enough haha. He was such a fun guy! The flight was really clear, so we were able to see the ground throughout the entire trip. At one point, we saw snow capped mountains, and believe that was North or South Carolina. The landing was so different compared to NYC. When I looked over, I saw more land than buildings...a site I truly loved to see. It was great to be home.

When I looked back on pictures, I was amazed at how much we had crammed in to a 2.5 day time, and understood why we both got so sick on Saturday! But it was worth it. I dreamed for years of the moments that we experienced and now that it's done, I can't believe it actually happened. It was a trip that I will never forget and one that I got to experience with my very best friend. I couldn't have asked for a better trip. I am blessed. As I got home and processed everything, it made me realize that we only have one life and one chance to live out our dreams. If there is something that we want to do or some place we want to see, we should make it happen. If money is an issue, then save little by little. Have dreams and make them come true.

The adventures of 2 best friends continues in 2013 :)

Gone But Never Forgotten

On my nightstand are two figurines that were given to me 3 years ago. One from a friend at my grandma's funeral of an angel called "angel of remembrance". Another is a beautiful woman in a pink dress with the breast cancer ribbon down the side. Both of my grandmas were survivors of breast cancer within just a few years of each other, so this figurine is a beautiful reminder of both strength and courage. My mom's mom is still a strong survivor and one of the most caring people I have ever met. She has a heart of gold. My dad's mom was a survivor of breast cancer, but unfortunately passed away 3 years ago (October 3, 2008), from a heart attack and stroke and had just been diagnosed with liver cancer.

So as I was cleaning this afternoon, I put the figurines back on my nightstand and looked at them for what they are to me. They are reminders of how blessed I was to have 26 years with my Memaw (and still going on 30 years with my Ma). They are memories of visits, phone calls, hugs, and kisses. They are the smell of my Memaw's Christmas dinner and the dumplins my Ma makes at Thanksgiving.

It's hard to believe that we are approaching 3 years of when my Memaw got her wings. I usually struggle this time of the year because at this time exactly 3 years ago was the beginning of a 7 week rollercoaster ride that will forever live in my heart and in my mind. I saw things that I never would've imagined that I would and did things with my Memaw that I would never want to live without. Nothing is harder than watching someone you love with all your heart slowly change over 7 weeks to having a stroke that left her speechless the last 2 weeks to seeing lifeless eyes on the last visit. Each weekend became precious and the next visit was uncertain.

When my Memaw first passed away, she would visit me in my dreams frequently over the first 8-10 months. They were always of her laughing, strong and healthy and young and vibrant. But they became less and less, and now I only see her once, maybe twice a year (if I'm lucky), and after really thinking about these figurines this afternoon, it made me sad. I wish she could see where I'm at in life as I approach 30 (granted, she'd still be settling for a great grandpuppy haha). I'd love for her to know that I was learning to play fiddle again. But most of all, I wish I had more chances to soak her in. And then it made me think (side note: you get me started on one thought and it snowballs! I'm a deep thinker, some times too much for my own good lol)  - why am I sad? Who am I really crying for? It's not for my grandma. I'm crying for myself because I want more of her, more of her time and more of her hugs. But if God said "well ok then" to my selfish requirement - she would be miserable and even more sick than she was.

Losing her taught me a lot of about not taking life (people's lives) for granted and taking time out of life to stop and let those I love know that I care. We can get way too caught up in life, and some times we need to take a break and actually live. We need to stop for that phone call or visit. It's sure to be a memory that we will never regret nor forget.

Walking On Water

Earlier this year, one of my friends created this bucket list of things he wanted to do before he turned 30, and I thought what a great idea that was! So I took his brilliant idea, and decided to create a list of my own. My Top 10 list ranges from fun things like ice-skate in Central Park, learn a new language (Norwegian and Spanish!), meet Dolly Parton to more serious things like bring my Papaw to Nashville for a day, run a 5k and read the Bible in full…..all before I turn 30 next June.

I found a great guide to reading the Bible in one year and immediately downloaded it to my Kindle. It’s a bit of an Old Testament, Psalms, Proverbs and New Testament a day. I’m almost a month in and am relearning about these stories, and in some cases, seeing them in a different context.

One of my stories earlier this week was when Jesus walked on water.

Matthew 14:25-31:

“Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, ”tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”

As I read these passages, it hit me… “every day we are Peter!”

You see, the water he was walking on towards Jesus is our life, our path and the wind that came through is our struggles. When Peter looked down, he started sinking. That is us on our journey when we stop relying on God or doubt His love, companionship in our lives….we start sinking. But never fear! God is always there to reach out to us and catch us when we fall. That is a promise.